People are starting to find out. They say that misery loves company, but not nosy company! 1 by 1 our mutual friends have started Facebooking and emailing to see if I'm, "ok." I'm thankful for that. I am not thankful for the next part of most messages... I am not thankful for the part where everyone goes into detail about how we were the, "next in line to get married" and "the happy couple." Those comments just make me feel more like a failure. They make me question myself.
The truth is, we were happy. We were happy when we were together, but we weren't together. Mason lives up north and I live in Florida. We haven't lived in the same city in almost 2yrs. He claims to be moving back soon but has yet to make a "move" to come back. I want to go up there, but he doesn't want me to move there, because then he can't leave. In other words, he is afraid of commitment.
I love him. I have only 1 reason not to be with him: He wants to be with me but not WITH me.
I've gone two days with no communication. That doesn't sound like much, but it is.
He hasn't changed his facebook status. "In a relationship," it says. His profile picture is still us... I know because I check it 5x a day. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for him to change it and break my heart further. I'm waiting because when he does that, when he finally makes his public display of moving on, that is when I will know that he is done. That is when I will be sure that he is not going to fight. It's lame to say that so much lies in a simple facebook profile, but that is when I'll know that this awful two days was only a small bit of the rest of my life without him.
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what if you ask him, all those questions you ask yourself,
ReplyDeleteand how can you move on, without being clear on everything, or how can you move on, if you dont want to, I dont know what questions you have, but why punish yourself, by cutting communication, if you want some answers,
what if he gives them to you?
worst that could happen is that he doesnt answer you,
you said you know he is hurting, maybe he is, and maybe he is wondering a million things like you are,
but maybe he is holding back, just like you are,
I dont know who wrote the rules, but who says the guy HAS to be the one to reach out, it dont matter who,
and I dont know what you want, but dont let your feeling depend on him, if you want something go get it,
fuck what people say, fuck how it will look, in love, all that matters, is what the heart wants
Thank you so much for your honesty...your blog makes my heart ache. What you're going through is similar but worse than what I went through a while ago with the man I was going to marry - I don't mean to discount your pain, but I want to tell you that things will get better, no matter what happens. I'll be thinking of you, and checking back.
ReplyDelete~Roo Who
http://secretroowho.blogspot.com/
I wanted to stop by and check to see how you're doing. I understand when you say 2 days is a lot of time to go with no communication. I've been there sweetie. It seems you have a great support group, on here even myself included. And like Frank said, maybe you should talk to him, get "closure" if that's what you're looking for. I'm not going to sit here and tell you about my relationship mumbo jumbo, but I will tell you that I was where you are, and I had to cut my ties after 7 years. You won't know anything, and you won't be able to start to move on unless you have all the facts. I'll be checking up, if you need to talk visit my blog. or email me.
ReplyDeletenolie0804.blogspot.com
Any breakup is tough, but I think you made the right choice, at least you made yourself your decision and eventhough you maybe really sad, at least you re not humiliated or have your confidence destroyed . I was in a relationship for 8 years and when the relationship wasnt going well, he cheated on me and believe me , this has really destroyed me, so dont have regrets and enjoy being single again, it s his loss, not yours
ReplyDeleteI believe there is somebody out there that wants to be WITH you and you alone. You will find that person in time. Hang in here. Hugs
ReplyDeletehttp://youcanfacetodaybecausehelives.blogspot.com